Thinking and Driving: The Need for Immediate Validation

Dang…it has been quite a while since I’ve posted anything.  I have made notes about posts I wanted to make, and had ideas in my head, but I guess none of them resonated with me strongly enough to actually put fingers to keyboard.

With that being said, I want to start a new “series” (we will see if it turns into that or just a one time deal) on some thoughts I have while “Thinking and Driving”.

I do my deepest thinking and have my best ideas in 3 arenas of life…

  1. In the Gym
  2. In the Shower
  3. In the Car

Many of you can surely relate.  There is something about the mindlessness of the task at hand that allows you to dive deeply into your inner thoughts and create some of the greatest, and craziest/silly/flat out ridiculous, ideas one can think of.

 

With this blog post I want to focus on something that has been weighing heavy on my mind lately, and that is the need we have for validation from others. I am guilty of this, and if you read this and think, “well this is kind of hypocritical of her”, I agree 100%.  I am writing this for me as much as I am writing it for anyone who takes the time to read it.

Not only do we need constant validation of our lives, but we need it NOW!  Social media platforms have enabled this mindset and ADDICTION so much over the past 5 or so years, that a like (or someone NOT liking your post), retweet, comment, etc. can make or break someone’s mood in an instant.

Why do we seek this attention from others on something that ultimately is a rosy picture of what our life really is?  For the most part, we only post the glorious, awe inducing, praise worthy parts of our lives.  So we are presenting this idea that our life is one way, and hoping for others to give us validation that that is truly what our life is like, rather than being realistic and seeking ways to make our lives better and more fulfilling.

As I am about to go on vacation to Europe, I am trying to find ways to post about my trip for family and friends to see, but to do so in a way that does not paint a picture that in reality does not exist.  I want to inform rather than induce jealousy.  I want to post for reasons other than how many likes and comments can I get on this.

What’s more important? Impressing people on social media, or living a life full of things, people, and experiences that make such an impression on your life that you don’t feel the need to present or post.

DON’T SEEK OUT THINGS THAT YOU THINK WILL IMPRESS OTHERS.  SEEK OUT THINGS THAT WILL IMPRESS YOU.

Post pics of your experiences.  I love seeing them.  But don’t do things simply for the chance to take and post a picture of it.  Soak it in.  Live in the moment.  Snap a pic.  Heck, snap a pic that you’re NOT in.  Make people feel as if they are seeing it themselves, not just seeing you and your outfit.

Deep >>> Superficial

 

So to end this rant…

Why do you do what you do?  Why do you take that risk, go on that trip, step out of your comfort zone?  For applause, or because you know your time here on earth is limited and the opportunity isn’t going to be there forever.

Challenge Yourself:  Look a mess in the next pic you post 😉

 

 

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A Year Later

Time flies

Wow.  I can’t believe that a year ago today I was saying goodbye to my Dad and walking into the airport to begin a life changing journey.  Heading to Germany for two months on my own was one of the biggest leaps I have taken in my life thus far.  I know I have spoken and written on the experience I had and the impact it had on me previously, but looking back a year later I can now see even more the immense effects that journey had on my life.

First things first, I long to return every day.  There is literally not a day that goes by that I don’t yearn for a new adventure and a return to Europe.  I don’t even think yearn is a strong enough word to explain how I feel.  I know for certain that this feeling will never go away, but it is a feeling that I am 100% okay with.  This feeling shows me how much that experience changed me in so many ways.  My wanderlust grew 100 fold, and even though it is hard knowing that I do not have the luxury to just up and go whenever, I know my wanderlust will guide me to many adventures and experiences in the future.

Nowadays, as you know, I have started another adventure in a new place.  I have been here at SFA almost 5 months now, which is almost just as hard to believe as the fact that it’s been a year since I left for Germany.  However, it has been an amazing 5 months.  It has had its ups and downs, I miss seeing my family and friends all the time, but I can truly say that I am settling in great and love it here.  My job is the best one I have had, and I can’t see myself doing anything else at the moment.  Every day I go to the office, yet I feel as if I don’t ever have to “work”.  Isn’t that what 99% of us long for?  “Find a job you love and you can truly say you never have to work a day in your life” (something like that).  It is an amazing feeling to be in a position where I can personally vouch for that statement.

By the way, I have the best boss and coworkers in the world.  There is a true balance of fun, family, and career here, and I couldn’t ask for a better atmosphere to be a part of.  Season has officially begun and we just finished up our second week of official practice.  Due to the fact that our girls workout all summer and fall, and we are able to “practice” during these times, the feeling is different when “official practice” starts at this level than it is at JUCO, D3, or D2, but it is still a very special feeling.  Nothing like that “basketball season is upon us” feeling in the air!!  Especially when the actual outside air feels like “basketball season”.  In my opinion there is Summer, Spring, and Basketball Season.

I hope some of you have the chance to watch us play this year.  I feel as if we have a good balance of returners and new faces that will lead us to big things.  Our bench is deep and we are making huge strides in every area.  I believe it is going to be a special and fun year for us all.  Here in less than a month we will travel to South Dakota to open up the season.  The University of South Dakota is a traditionally successful program and we will actually be playing the very first basketball game in their brand new state of the art arena.  They sold the game out a month ago.  Should be fun, and would be a HUGE win and start to the season if we go up there and handle business.  Once we get rolling with playing, I will make sure to keep you all updated with how things are going both on social media and through my blog.  Also, if you have any questions on games, etc. feel free to contact me through email (scottke@sfasu.edu) or any of my social media outlets.  I’d be glad to chat!

Well, that is it for now.  I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful weather, getting outside, being active, and getting pumped for basketball season!!  Thanks as always for reading!!

Love,

Kayla

 

 

Repost: Hurricane Mathew Response — Joyfulrices In Haiti

Here is a letter Ernie has written in response to Hurricane Matthew. Since writing this letter Ernie has been out 2 more times and is out today. Please keep him and the people with him in your prayers as they travel. The impact of Hurricane Matthew has been felt the most on the western part […]

via Hurricane Mathew Response — Joyfulrices In Haiti

Repost: How to Know Who Your Real Friends Are

I know who mine are, and I couldn’t be more thankful!

How to Know Who Your Real Friends Are

Allison Fallon

These days it seems like people have a thousand friends without really having any friends at all.

I read an article in the New York Times recently that talked about this—about how sometimes the people we think are our friends aren’t really our friends, and vice versa.

Recent research indicates that only about half of perceived friendships are mutual. That is, someone you think is your friend might not be so keen on you. Or, vice versa, as when someone you feel you hardly know claims you as a bestie. —Kate Murphy

Add to that what I’ve heard my friend Bob say several times—that there are really only room for about 8 people around your deathbed—and I don’t know about you, but it leaves me with the question:

Who are my friends—really?

A few months ago I was going through a really hard personal time in my life. And I began to notice something. There was a key difference between the friends I thought were my friends and the ones who actually were my friends.

The difference was really simple.

The real friends just showed up. It was that easy.

realfriends-full

One night I was feeling afraid, so called a friend and she came over and sat with me on the couch. We watched TV. We didn’t even talk about anything. But she knew I didn’t want to be alone, so she came over. Another friend showed up the morning of a big appointment and brought me my favorite coffee drink and gave me a pep talk.

Other friends checked in regularly on the phone or text message, just to see how I was doing. People sent cards and gifts.

Other people disappeared.

Quite literally. It was sort of interesting to watch it happen. If you’ve ever been through a divorce or gotten a terrible diagnosis or lost a family member, I’m sure you’ve experienced this. Some people are so there. They’re a phone call away. You practically can’t get rid of them.

Other people it’s just like… they drop off the map.

And to be honest, I didn’t think much of it at the time. I wasn’t lacking for support, so I didn’t really need those other people to show up. But when I reflected on it later, I just thought that was so interesting.

Actions really do speak louder than words.

Our actions say more about who we are and what matters to us than what comes out of our mouths.

You can talk all day about how much you care for your friends and how important they are to you, but if you don’t show up for them—if you don’t show your face at birthday parties and anniversary parties and random Thursday night dinners and wedding showers and baby showers and TV viewing parties…

They’re not your friends. You’re not theirs.

This is not a dig. It’s not even a shameful thing. Nobody needs to apologize for not being friends with everybody (after all, only eight people will fit around your deathbed). It’s just the truth.

And if we can’t tell the truth, we can’t love or be loved.

If you want to know if somebody loves you, it’s simple.

Do they show up—physically, emotionally, spiritually, practically? Can they show up for you when you need them the most? Or, do you constantly find yourself wondering where they went, and why they aren’t around?

Let me say this one more time: if you want to know the truth of a person, pay attention to his or her actions—more than his or her words.

Words are easy. Actions are where our truth lives.

Also, if you have a thousand people you call friends but you aren’t really showing up for them, can you cut yourself a break? Can you make a decision to stop spreading yourself so thin? Can you choose the eight friends you’d like to end up at your deathbed and invest more fully and deeply in them?

You’ll feel more loved and more connected and more at peace with yourself.

Part 1: The “Gals”

I am a HUGE US Women’s National Soccer Team fan.  Like fangirl level.  Like little 8 year old girl in the stands who looks like she might die right then and there, fan.  I watch nearly every game, try to go to as many games in person as I can, and own who knows how many shirts and jerseys.

This obsession has been ongoing since I can remember.  Watching my idol(and still idol to this day) Mia Hamm run rampant on the field, the chills I got(and still get every. single. time.) as I watched the ’99 World Cup, and the tears of joy and heartache after each big win and loss, are some of the most vivid memories and moments I have had in my 26 years of life.

If the US is playing a friendly match, you can bet my DVR is set if I can’t watch it live.  If the US is playing in an international tournament, you can bet my DVR is set, and I have also stopped whatever I am doing, wherever I am, to seek out a TV and watch.

Why though?  Why am I and many other people, both male and female of all ages, so obsessed and invested in this team??  What makes them so irresistible to even people who have little interest in soccer?  It may just be my rose colored glasses, but it seems as if no other USA team captures the hearts of our country like the USWNT does.

Here’s my list of why I believe many of us have such a love affair with the group currently known as “The Gals”.

  1.  They are GOOD…                                                                                                                                             I love the men’s team as well, but they just don’t match up when it comes to          international success.  3 World Cup Titles 4 Olympic Gold Medals, and many more international tournament titles.  We have dominated international women’s soccer since it started.
  2. They are good and do it with STYLE…                                                                                                      The way the USWNT plays is unlike any other team in the world.  Fast pace, pressure, high scoring, passionate, skillful, and always dramatic in big moments.  Whether it is winning by PK’s, winning on last second goals (see Abby Wambach in the 2011 WC against Brazil *chills*), or scoring midfield goals in the WC final against Japan (See Carli Lloyd’s amazing performance to lead the team to their 3rd World Cup Title in 2015).  They get you to watch because they win, but the way they do it keeps you watching game after game and year after year.
  3. They are attractive…                                                                                                                                   We all know it.  And we all know this is why they initially get attention from many viewers.  This often times leads to an appreciation for their badassness, so I am okay with it.  For those of you who only watch because you think they are hot and do not appreciate the skill and heart shown on that field…shame on you.
  4. They are INSPIRING…                                                                                                                                 Name a team who has captured the hearts and minds of so many little girls (and boys) in recent memory like the USWNT has.  You can’t.
  5. They represent GIRL POWER…                                                                                                                  Obama said it himself when the team visited the White House after winning the 2015 WC, “This team taught all America’s children that “playing like a girl” means you’re a badass.”  They give girls the courage to go out there and play with the boys.  To beat the boys.  And to hold their own and stand up for themselves.  To see more about their visit to the White House, and what Obama had to say about how they represent girl power, check this out http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2015/10/27/9621552/president-obama-uswnt-us-womens-soccer-team-white-house-playing-like-a-girl-means-youre-a-badass

More to come. Did you really think I could fit everything into one post?? 
-Kayla

 

Interesting take on things. Repost: If You’re Not Scared

If You’re Not Scared, You’re Not Doing It Right

(This is something I think we can all relate to in some way.) Repost: What to Do About Jealousy

Four Tips on Tackling Jealousy